How do you recognize bullying?
What you need to know are details your child just isn’t telling. Here’s a little more information to help you.
There are various forms of bullying that happen among young children including hitting or punching, teasing or name-calling, intimidation through gestures, social exclusion and damaging a person’s belongings. Experts define bullying as intentionally aggressive behavior, usually involving an imbalance of power and repeated over time. Bullying can be verbal (put-downs, taunts, name-calling), physical (pushing, kicking, punching), and relational (rumors, social rejection, exclusion).
The more subtle types of bullying may become obvious until they’re repeated, while others immediately attention-getting. Regardless of how quickly they are recognized, all instances of bullying must be addressed and care taken that they don’t arise again.
Some people may view bullying as “just a part of growing up,” however bullying can be harmful to its victim and can result in lower self-esteem, and higher rates of loneliness, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Victims of bullying may see their emotional and physical health suffer and their performance in academics and other activities decline. For the bully, their actions can escalate into more serious incidents of violence if the bullying is never addressed.
But confrontations are not always bullying. When is it just a fight?
Kids are active and impulsive, and they’re going to “scuffle” – have spats and wrestling matches that occasionally get out of hand. Actually, everyday play-related conflict can make kids stronger. These are experiences that teach them how to compromise, negotiate, and forgive.
Bullying does the exact opposite of this. Bullying systematically undermines kids’ self-esteem. And whether the bullying is physical or emotional, it can cause hurt feelings, fear, and anxiety — even when it’s subtle bullying between little ones.
At its most basic, being picked on, pushed around, and shunned is not acceptable at any age.
For the bullies, there are also issues like difficulty making friends – and this can lead to problematic relationships in all parts of their lives.
To identify the difference between conflict and bullying is looking at intent.
Young playmates might unintentionally cause harm in the midst of a “No! That’s mine!” tug-of-war over a toy. On the other hand, a bully might snatch the toy away and threaten the other child if any attempt to get the toy back is made.
What are the possible signs of a bully?
- He’s smiling during a conflict.
Two boys who are both upset over a fight over a book are simply fighting.
If one boy bashes another over the head with a book and grins as the boy who gets hit cries, it’s bullying.
This is not true of every bully – however – most kids who are bullies behave this way. - He’s sneaky and secretive.
Bullies don’t want adults to catch them in the act, so they try to be covert about their actions. - He’s a ringleader and recruiter.
Surprisingly enough, kids can gather others around them for a common cause and get them to carry out actions for or with them.
For example, a mother watched playground activity go awry as a 3-year-old tried to join another group of girls running around the playground equipment. The group deliberately ran away from her and as the 3-year-old continued to try to join them, they taunted her and told her she wasn’t allowed to go down the slide. They even threw wood chips on the slide when she attempted to slide down.
It’s amazing how mean-spirited ones so young can be.
Bullying can be hard to identify because it can spark bad behavior from the “good” kids, too. A little one who is taunted mercilessly can – and probably will – get angry enough to strike back.
How can you help your child?
- Firstly, you must find out what is going on.
Don’t just suspect and react. Find out for sure. Ask your child pointed questions like “Can you tell me exactly what the other kid did?” Little ones may know what happened made them feel bad but they don’t know how to describe it to you. If may take a few questions to get to what really happened. Regardless of what your child tells you, stay calm. What took place may make you angry but remaining calm is what will help your child the most. Let them know that you will work this situation out together.
- Secondly, help her figure out how to respond.
Bullying often happens covertly or under the radar but that doesn’t mean that children should be expected to deal with bullies on their own. Often role playing with your child can help them boost their confidence and show them tactics they can use if they’re put in a similar situation again.
Let them know that they aren’t doing anything wrong or rude by telling the bully to stop it or knock it off in a loud voice and walking away. Some experts believe that ignoring the bully is the best tactic. If you don’t fuel the fire by giving the bully attention, he will eventually give up and the bullying will stop.
Stay with your friends. Bullies MO is isolation. They try to get their victim off by themselves so they can pick on them. If they’re new to their group, try to help your child make some through new playdates or activities.
Tell an adult. The best way to stop the bullying instance as well as potentially stopping it completely is to let a grown-up know what is going on.
- Thirdly, step in.
If the situation persists, schedule a meeting with the person in charge of the group where the bullying is taking place. This person may not know what is going on – after all, most bullies act covertly. Be persistent if you don’t get help at first so that a solution can be found. And so that the bullying won’t happen again and be repeated on other victims.
Be observant and speak up.
It really comes down to being observant, being alert to what is going on with your kids, talking and asking questions of your kids and speaking up about behavior that seems out of place or inappropriate.
At Little Otter Swim School, we keep our eyes and ears open for the alerts for bullying and take action to first stop the activity taking place in the moment and to then inform parents. Our goal is to provide a nurturing and fun place for children to learn to swim. And in that environment, there is no place for bullying of any type. Contact us to learn more about swimming lessons for your children.
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