It’s lovely to have a nice sense of humor. It’s rude to make annoying wise cracks – especially when you’re 10 or 11 years old.
Why do tweens think they have to be comedians?
They are using humor to try to discover who they are. But the two sexes do this in completely different ways – which is completely understandable since they are so very different at this age in almost every other way.
With boys, tween humor is probably on the silly or slapstick side. They’re likely to be the Jim Carey types who think nothing is funnier than a booger or a burp and especially a fart or perhaps inappropriate like sexual innuendo, violence and rude talk. It is the way that they test their boundaries.
Girls tend toward relationship jokes. These may refer to friends or stretch into romance. They may even experiment with put-downs to see if how they fit into their peer group. They have to test the waters to see if they get a better reaction as the mean girl, the tomboy or maybe even the geek.
Draw the line. Regardless of how you want to respond to this, it is up to you to let them know when they’ve crossed the line. And let them know that adding just kidding after the insult doesn’t make it all better. You need to let them know that embarrassing or down-grading others doesn’t make them look “funny”, seem “smart” or appear more “mature” than they are.
Lead by example. You can’t join in with their antics or it will encourage them. In fact, you should show them how to interact appropriately and still have fun. Don’t play tit for tat with them. Quipping back at them because they may have unknowingly struck a nerve is validating their poor behavior.
Remember that your tweens are confused and perplexed. They probably think their bodies are playing a bad joke on them. Having empathy and trying to help them to understand what is going on inside them is the best possible thing you can do to help them and you.
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